wedding planning update

well schnitzel. i certainly have been negligent in posting on a regular basis. and for that i do apologize.

as we near the big date, people frequently ask me how the wedding planning is going. so i thought i’d provide all of you readers (all 2 of you) a quick update by category:

wedding location: this is one of the most critical components of the whole wedding thing, as this is where the marrying actually happens. but who knew that churches wanted so much money just to use it for an hour on an off-day. crazy i tell you. so we decided to get creative. we asked ourselves what the most important part of the church is, with regard to the wedding. the answer was clear – the aisle. and when we asked ourselves where else we could find an aisle, the answer became clear – the grocery store. aside from having the perfect layout for a wedding (you can do up to 23 simultaneous weddings), it provides another advantage – sponsorship. that’s right folks, to further offset the cost of the wedding, our wedding will now be known as the doritos erikarl wedding brought to you by purina dog chow.

reception: if any of you know erika or i at all then you know that neither of us get too caught up on convention. our objective for the reception is that people have a blast and that it can house a very large table for all the presents. so, again after a little creative brainstorming we settled on the perfect solution, and interestingly enough it was the word brainstorm that provided the key. brain as in braincrusher and storm as in purple lightning. that’s right! monster trucks! we’ve decided to have our wedding reception at a monster truck rally. there will be all the popcorn, hot dogs and nachos that you can eat. the highlight of the event will be when the bride (an avid fan) will get a chance to attempt to jump 5 school busses in ‘jaws of death’ (that’s another monster truck for those not in the know). hearing protection is reccommended but not provided. please bring your own.

cake: who doesn’t love wedding cake. but you know what people love more? wedding pudding. we will have a kiddie pool filled with delicious, homemade butterscotch pudding in the concession area. i don’t want to give anything away but the ceremonial cutting of the pudding should be pretty entertaining. rain slickers might be a good idea.

dress: wedding dresses are expensive. to try to cut costs we decided the sweet pair of spandex bike shorts that i sewed in seventh grade home economics proved that i have what it takes to make a wedding dress. i figure it can’t be too hard, what with all the ruffles and frills and flaps and pockets hiding any booboos should be a breeze. but since i can’t see the dress until the wedding day, i’m going to have to finish the last part with my eyes closed. now i just have to decide between the leopard print or the hot pink with sequins. i’ll be definitely putting my bedazzler to use on this one!

wedding party: everyone has probably seen the nifty videos on the YouTube or the office of the wedding party boogying down the aisle. well we will be doing that of course. but the problem is that most of the people who would have been in the wedding party look like jackrabbits on Valium when they try to dance. so to take it to the next level we plan to hire professional backup dancers in place of the typical wedding party. it should be a spectacular sight. i hear kevin federline may be looking for some work.

tuxes: normal tuxes are boring and the whole nonstandard tux color thing was just ruined by dumb and dumber. the choice then is obvious. bear skin tunics. they are warm, come in a variety of sizes and tells everybody ‘i’m bear-y excited about this wedding. now i have to decide between black, grizzly, panda or koala.

well that’s the update for now – stay posted for more!

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